


loves me not

by chouzai



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, you can hear me crying in the bg honestly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 04:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11223690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chouzai/pseuds/chouzai
Summary: Every petal, every flower, there was never a 'he loves me, he loves me not,' instead only a cruel and simple 'never will he ever.'





	loves me not

**Author's Note:**

> me: loves sora and cries at him existing, cries at him smiling, cries even harder at the thought of him being upset  
> also me: purposefully makes him upset and cries along with him
> 
> slightly graphic? not really though, but he's coughing up flowers so. yeah. unbeta'd bc it's like almost 7am and i hate myself

Sora is no fool.

He comes across as childish and naive, but in no means is he a fool.

Although he presents himself in a carefree manner, he proves very observant with his synesthesia. He has seen many colors in his time walking the earth, ranging from downright hideous to absolutely breathtaking. He can categorize every single color he sees on that spectrum. Natsume's is far from ugly, and Sora finds it very warm. Tsumugi's is gentle, comforting, a kind blue Sora would dye the entire world with because of how welcoming it is. Mitsuru's is energetic, bright and fun, while Yuuta's is the same, just slightly easier on the eyes.

Hinata's color? Though similar to Yuuta's, Sora thinks it's beautiful. There's a gentle sadness to it, yet it's often overpowered by the cheer he carries like a mask and has a never ending supply of. It's what interests Sora the most, and draws him to the taller.

It's the one color he wants to make happy, not because the happiness of _everyone_ is Switch's goal, but because it's Hinata.

Because it's a color that belongs to Hinata Aoi, and no one else.

 

* * *

 

Sora tries, he really does.

He makes Hinata sweets, and while not as pretty or nice as his, Hinata accepts them with grins nonetheless.

However, there's a slight darkening to Hinata's color, the absolute opposite of what Sora wanted. It's the shade Hinata's beautiful color takes when he pushes confections Sora's way. That's right, Sora knew, but gifts made Sora happy and he believed it to be the same for Hinata as well. Or maybe, he was on the mark, and simply should have chosen a different gift.

 _Next time, next time_ , he tells himself. _Next time Sora will get it right._

He makes them a little less sweeter than the first, offers a spicy candy just in case because, Yuuta likes spicy things and maybe Hinata does too, and Hinata's color is significantly brighter than last time. He gives Sora a hug, squeezes him so tightly and with so much enthusiasm, he lifts the shorter boy off the ground.

"Thanks, Sora-kun! Ah, I can't wait to eat this after lunch," he sings, grinning widely at the blond.

And it's then Sora feels something in his chest. It's unfamiliar and feels like he's swallowed butterflies whole, but he ignores it to beam at Hinata in return.

"HaHa~ If Hina-chan's happy, Sora's happy too, yeah~"

 

* * *

 

The fluttering comes whenever Hinata's with him, whenever he smiles and gives him hugs. Sora worries for a while, beats around the bush whenever Natsume or Tsumugi asks him what's the matter, only to blurt it out on a peaceful day spent dance practicing.

"Sora thinks he likes Hina-chan," he tells his upperclassmen, tiny brows furrowed, lips in a rare frown.

Neither Master nor Senpai understand the root of his troubled expression, instead only ruffling his hair with amused laughs.

"I foresaw this much happENING," Natsume says, a hum in his tone. "Your magic will entrance him soon enoUGH."

"Mhm, that's right! Sora-kun's amazing, so..."

He appreciated his upperclassmen's kind words. They gave Sora the tiniest amount of hope, something he knew he shouldn't have. However, Sora is ever an observant child. The moment the bud sprouted, there was no chance of it ever blossoming. Sora knew. Sora wasn't a fool, after all.

Childlike he may be, but Sora was never a fool.

That's why, when he sees Hinata's color warm with a shade he's never seen it be before, his heart aches. It's the color his parents have when they talk to each other, when his father brings home flowers to brighten not only the dining room, but his mother's day. It's a color that's so obviously in love, and so obviously not in love with _him_. It hurts and it's that night the first petal forces itself up his throat.

In the dim lighting of his DS, he stares at the yellow petal in his palm, and with the upbeat background music of his game, he cradles it to his chest and cries.

 

* * *

 

It's bearable at first. Certainly not desirable, but Sora can handle it for the time being. Only a few petals scratch at his throat and fall into his palm, making it easy to hide from both unit members and friends alike. He doesn't like lying, but he also doesn't like people he cherishes worrying over him either. If it's a simple charade like this, Sora can keep it up, as long as it doesn't get any worse.

He may not be optimistic about his romance with Hinata, but he can be optimistic he can smother his feelings before the pain grows and the flowers bloom in his lungs.

And that's how Sora spent the first two weeks of coughing up these eerie petals and stuffing them in his pockets. Like his feelings, he kept them hidden, shoving every longing gaze and love struck smile with discarded flower petals in the depths of these tiny pouches.

They're easy to hide, but when Natsume raises a brow at his protégé as the boy covers his mouth with his hands, stuffing them in his pockets immediately, he couldn't keep it hidden anymore.

"Master, what should Sora do?" the boy asks, desperation shining in his bright blue irises. "It's no use— Sora's tried, but... But...!" With the same troubled expression as before, Sora pulls his hands from his pockets, petals falling with grace and the weight of a young boy's unrequited love. "Sora doesn't want Hina-chan to know 'cause then, Hina-chan would be really troubled, you know? Sora's tried really hard this entire time but—"

Unable to bear listening to the boy's cracking voice nor the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, Natsume pulls him into a hug, hand soothingly rubbing at his back.

"I know, Sora," the elder whispers, speech lacking its usual oddities. His brows furrow when he feels his shoulder become wet with the boy's tears, eyes closing as he rubs comforting circles. "Feelings are hard to get rid of. It's proof you're human, but this isn't the reminder anyone would wish for."

 

* * *

 

Tsumugi is made aware of the situation quickly afterwards, expression just as pained as Natsume's had been. The very next day, Tsumugi brings several charms for Switch's youngest member, all different but given with the same hope of _With these, maybe Sora-kun's pain will ease?_ Sora shoves majority into his bag, keeps his favorite in his pocket, and squeezes it whenever in the presence of the elder Aoi twin. Sora knew Tsumugi meant well, he always did, but the charms do little and in the middle of class, the boy abruptly stands from his desk and sprints to the bathroom.

Fully bloomed flowers clog his throat, the boy hacking and wheezing as they force their way up and out of his mouth. Saliva drips down the corner of his mouth as he weakly coughs, gaze locked on the flora staring up at him from the toilet. He feels lightheaded as he takes in the sight of white and yellow tulips accompanied by morning glories, body falling back to sit on the cold tile, head leaning against the stall's door. Sora sits there with his eyes closed for what he wished was a peaceful eternity, a soft sigh falling from his lips as he hears a soft knock on the stall.

"Harukawa-kun? Are you okay?"

Sora finds himself gazing up at the color of Yuuta's voice, recalling how alike it is to Hinata's and he shakes his head.

"Sora's a little sick," he mumbles, eyes closing again. "Yuu-chan... Can you bring Sora water...? His throat hurts..."

"Oh, um, sure! I'll take you to the nurse's office afterwards though, okay?"

Sora coughs again, another petal falling onto his lap, a tired laugh leaving him. "Okay... Thank you, Yuu-chan."

 

* * *

 

"Sora-kun... You look tired... Have your parents not noticed anything yet?" Tsumugi asks him as the three Switch members laze around the Game Research Club's club room. "I think you should tell them, if they haven't... You can get cured, you know? If you keep going on like this, you can die... You're young, Sora-kun, that's why you shouldn't get caught up in these feelings."

"How much tact can you lACK?" Natsume growls, eyes narrowing at the elder. "He's trying his best, don't you sEE?" Natsume's fingers run through Sora's hair, however despite his scolding Tsumugi, Natsume looks just as concerned. "Sora, these feelings are important to you, but I agree with that thING. You can get them remoVED..."

"Sora's trying to make them go away..." he whispers, the upperclassmen sharing a glance. He buries his face into Natsume's shoulder, voice exhausted and eyes closing. "If it gets really bad, Sora will, he promises..." He dozes off soon after, his unit mates staring at him in concern.

"It's already bad though, Sora-kun," Tsumugi sighs, body turning away as he picks up discarded controllers off the floor. "Flowers are beautiful, but dirtied with blood and covered in thorns that can rip you apart... They become the ugliest thing imaginable."

 

* * *

 

Despite the flowers hurting his throat and the obvious exhaustion on his features, Sora remains as cheerful as he can. He brushes off any inquiry from friends with simple excuses like _Sora stayed up too late playing video games~_ or _Sora's family is sick, so maybe he got sick too!_ His friends buy into the excuses with looks of skepticism, but none tread farther. Other than his raspy voice and his occasional clammy skin, Sora is the Sora they know, so they all only leave him with urges to get some rest.

He thinks he can continue like this, but illuminated by the setting sun, he had witnessed Hinata holding hands with another boy from 1-A, and the moment he feels that imaginary knife run though his chest, he knows this already hopeless love has caught fire and crumbled into pieces. He dashes away, as fast as he can, vision blurred with tears of pain. His hands are clamped over his mouth, petals still falling and leaving a trail behind him. Painful sobs follow his every step, the boy making it only as far as behind the school building to let the pool of flowers fall to the ground.

Daffodils join the sea of petals, Sora falling to his knees as he continues coughing. Every petal, every flower, there was never a _he loves me, he loves me not_ , instead only a cruel and simple _never will he ever_. He feels a slight prickle in his throat, only for the feeling to grow, his insides searing in pain as a single yellow rose, covered in slimy blood, falls atop his mountain of hidden emotions.

 _It hurts_ , he thinks. _This hurts. Hina-chan's happy, he looked so happy, Sora should be happy for him, but it hurts._

He buries the heels of his palms into his eyes and cries harder than he had ever before. 

If he couldn't be happy for such a close friend, if he had to continue being in pain like this, he should forget this love. He should have it taken from his heart, discarded and thrown away, just like he knew it should have been from the very beginning. He wasn't the one that could ever make Hinata happy, after all. He wasn't the cause of that hue to Hinata's distinct color.

He knew, and that's why, every single desire of him being the one to bring such a happy smile to Hinata's face needed to disappear.

 

* * *

 

It's a secret as to why Sora had taken a break from school, neither Switch upperclassmen giving straight answers when asked. However, when Sora returns cheerful as ever, laughing and smiling just as he always did, it's as though he didn't need a break at all. When asked why, he only laughs and waves his hand, his answers as secretive as Natsume and Tsumugi's. He doesn't look as tired as he had before his break, so all worry prior to the blond's unexpected absence had been washed away.

"HoHo~ Sora's fine now, Hina-chan~" Sora assures with a laugh, humming as he unwrapped one of Hinata's handmade sweets. "Sora was sicker than he thought, you know~? It's okay, Sora's okay~"

"Mmn... If you say so, Sora-kun," the taller replies, brows slightly furrowed. "But, still, to think Sora-kun of all people would get so sick he'd take a long absence from school! It was a shock to the rest of the first years, you know? After all, you're amazing! The Sora-kun that can climb on walls and jump over tall fences with no problem... Seriously, what could've even made you _that_ sick?"

"HuHu~ Master said Sora had to keep it a secret, so Sora will! Master said people would worry more, so...~"

"Ah, geez. Sakasaki-senpai keeps way too many secrets... You listen to him without fail, so I guess I can't get anything outta you, huh~"

Hinata laughs in amusement, Sora staring up at his color in wonder, candy clinking against his teeth. In the echoes of his heart, he feels like he should have seen it as beautiful and absolutely breathtaking, but his mind merely categorized it with the other colors he was fond of. It was like Mitsuru's and Yuuta's: fun and a color he liked.

It was all Sora felt.

Nothing more, nothing less.

**Author's Note:**

> OK TBH I GOT SO UPSET WRITING THIS WHAT KIND OF UGLY MONSTER DOES THIS? ME. IM THAT MONSTER. WADDA HELL HERE ARE THE FLOWER MEANINGS BTW
> 
> tulip: one-sided love (white), hopeless love (yellow)  
> morning glory: love in vain  
> daffodil: unrequited love; love me back  
> rose (yellow): a broken heart
> 
> IM ALWAYS CRYING @SUNSHOWERFES ON TWITTER UGH KILL ME


End file.
